Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Sunshine and Fresh air...

is how I can descibe the backdrop of our trip to New Mexico. What a delight it was. Relaxation was the target and that I accomplished. The scenery was beautiful and the people were great. The best part was actually getting to meet fellow "Sucias". We all bonded and enjoyed eachother's company except for a handful, but no trip would be the same with out those few who try so hard to impress and act like they are better than others. They are only masking their insecurites by trying to show off that which they lack. Individuality!!! Come on people. Don't try so hard. Why does one find it so hard to be themselves? Geez!!

New Mexico was beautiful! I must admit, I never would have even considered visiting that state if it weren't for Alisa. The people were friendly and the weather was great! I couldn't stop taking pictures of those mountains. Not something you will ever see in NYC! All of us agreed that our next trip will be an All-Inclusive to possibly Punta-Cana or the Bahamas! Yipee. And hopefully that will be with the wonderful women who we met at this retreat.

On another note, there was no tension between my bestfriend and I, at least not from my part. Everything was great. We had fun as usual, even though we kinda spent alot of time in the bathroom...lol. I think I will blame our gas on the "High Altitude". I took lots of pictures and hopefully will have the opportunity to post them once I learn how to set it up on here.

Ok well, thats all for now. I am still in New Mexico time....haven't slept. Maybe got two hours...yikes!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Just a few things....

One more week and off we go to New Mexico for the 1st Annual Sucia Retreat!!! I am sure it will be fun and relaxing. Yipeeee....Can May 27 get here any quicker?
Anyways, today is Friday, finally. I am looking forward to this weekend so I can just chill out and unwind. Catch up on my Netflix movies that have been sitting on my desk for a bit. I also have some cleaning to do but nothing major. Arghhhhh!

Well here is a little update on my life......I spoke with my dad yesterday who tells me he changed his house number again because my older brother deosnt seem to stop calling and hanging up. My older brother was recently released from NJ county jail after an 8mth stint. Its a long story which I personally don' care to explain at the moment, only because I don't think he deserves the notariety. He doesn't speak with us but he insists on calling my dad's house and then hanging up not thinking that we *69 his ass and know its him.......Hence forth my dad changing his number yet again.
My son has been doing well in school and he will be graduating JHS on June 16.......Go Josh!!! Big up to "Big J"....lol.... I am proud! No comes HS, yeeeshhhh. I am more nervous than he is. I am just afraid that things will not go well or that he will be influenced in a wrong way. I am scared and its ok....I am his mom, I am supposed to worry, right?? I have confidence in my child and know that he can excel in whatever he chooses.
I kinda sorta cleared the air with my best friend regarding my personal life but I still feel like she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Mind you, I am 31 yrs old and can make my own decisions but I just feel like I can't share what is making me happy right now with her because I feel like she is so against it. I know she means well and only wants for me to becareful but I have to go thru experiences in order to achieve happiness. All in all, I love her with all my heart and she will be a part of my life so we will just have to understand eachother and repsect our decisions no matter what. Isn't that what friends are for? Ok, I will stop now before I start to cry. I am so emotional it's disgusting..........!

On another note...I am so happpyyyyy!!! My guy and I have been spending alot of time together and we love it. We are so comfortable with eachother and it only gets better as time goes by. I have been on Cloud Nine, Ten , Eleven and Twelve.....lol. My feelings for him are intense, I mean how do I tell him? How do I tell him that he is in my every thought? How do I tell him that all I want is beautiful things for us? That I want him in my life so bad I can taste it....How do I tell him that he has given me something that no one else has which is the right to be me at all times. How do I explain to him that he makes me feel like a Queen. That the confidence he has in "us" makes me want to melt. How do I tell him that I have eyes for no one else but him? How do i tell him that I have fallen harder then a ton a bricks?

I guess I just did.

Have a great weekend ya'll. I know I will. Muah!!!

Monday, May 16, 2005

I can't explain the happiness that I have been feeling inside during the last week. The butterflies in my stomach, the permanent smile on my face when I think of that person, the sound of relief in my voice when I speak of him, the comfort and calm that I feel when I am with him. It feels different, scary but different. Scary because it is so perfect, so new, so sincere and so pure. It feels so natural, so right. I feel at peace, serene and still. Wow....I just can't explain it. I am grateful, thankful and blessed. Blessed to have this person in my life who was there all along and I never realized it. I am Thankful because he is like no other man I have met. He is caring, full of love and wickedly funny. His sincerity entangles my every thought. I feel as if the wool has been pulled away from over my eyes. He is my guide, my light and my path. With him is where I want to be, with him is where I feel safe.
Why do I feel so scared then? Why do I feel as if I shouldn't be feeling like this so soon? Is it wrong? Am I crazy? I can't speak for tomorrow but I can speak for today, for right now and all I know in my heart is that it feels right. I feel as if I found the missing piece to the puzzle in my insane life, the one person who I can be myself with. At all times. I won't be judge or criticized by him. He accepts me and recognizes me for who I am. He appreciates me and I appreciate him. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we are in eacothers life for a reason, what that reason is we have yet to discover. All i know is that if this is a dream, I dont want to wake up from it. I don't and won't let it go. I am crazy about him. One day at a time for sure but I can't keep what I feel inside any longer. I thank the great one above for bringing him into my life.

An update:
Finished reading "Friday Night Chicas". Great book. I am now reading "A Girl Like Che Guevara". I have not been able to finish the introduction for my book. I haven't made the time would be more accurate to say. But I plan on getting to that soon. It's obvious by my thoughts above that I have been a bit distracted, in a good way ofcourse but distracted nontheless.

I ended things with "J" officially. Not like it made a difference. I hadn't heard from him or seen him so why bother to continue something that isn't there. Its a huge relief though.
Anyways, my son's JHS graduation is June 16. He is siked and I am siked for him. My baby is getting big. Wow, to think he will be in HS in September. How time flies. So much to do.

I leave to my first of a few weekend trips on May 27th. I am going to New Mexico with my bestfriend. We will be doing alot of R&R and workshops. We are going with a book club that we belong to. "La Sucias"......I am sure it will be fun. I then head off to Miami in June with an old friend. No pun intended when I say Old....lol...he is 13 yrs my senior. I plan on visiting family and friends and getting alot of sun. Thats pretty much it for now.

Will keep you posted on what happens next with the new man in my life. Caio!